Friday, May 22, 2009

The Defense of (My) Marriage Act

(photo from latimesblogs.latimes.com)

Since tying the knot with Mr. Wright in 2004, I’ve realized that not everyone who loves us actually loves the idea of us… together. In fact, many a bookmaker was put out of business when we actually made it to our first anniversary, beating every bet that our respective circles of friends threw down.

Yes, we have beaten the odds in making it this far. After all, we are the consummate odd couple; living proof that opposites attract. I attribute much of it to my exceptional improvisational skills.

Have you seen my act? It starts with a question – usually cried out in a state of disbelief – and wraps with my song-and-dance answer. I call it, appropriately enough, “The Defense of (My) Marriage Act.”

From my liberal friends: You married a conservative?! I did not, in fact, marry a conservative. I married a political geek who looks at every candidate’s voting record on every issue. We are, for lack of a better term, “independents.” That is, he votes for his preferred candidates and advises me to vote for the same candidates. I listen, nod my head, and independently vote for my picks.

Sometimes we agree, sometimes we don’t. Even when we don’t, it still works. Look at James Carville and Mary Matalin; Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger. It can be done.

From my vegan friends: You married a hunter?! Oh, yes. I did marry a hunter. In fact, we are probably one of the only families in America to be card-carrying members of both PETA and the NRA. I will say that I have much more respect for omnivores who procure their own meat than those who buy their steaks from the meat counter at their favorite chain grocery. I mean, if you want to eat dead flesh, at least have the bullocks to do your own dirty work.

The meat my children and my husband eat was either hunted and killed by my husband, or raised by someone in our family. These critters lived out in the open, never got injected with steroids or ate feed made of baby chickens (fed into the grinder while still alive). I can live with that, and I assert that there is more integrity in the meat in my freezer than in the graying top sirloin cut on display at the Meat-o-rama.

From my mother: You signed your Christmas cards with “Love and blessings from the Greg Wrights…!” Yes, Mom. I did. I know it shocks you to think of me as a dependent, mousy woman who identifies herself solely through her husband, so let me come clean on this one. Our combined families are so huge, I couldn’t bear to hand-sign all of the cards. I printed out labels instead, and perfunctorily stuck them inside the cards. I used “The Greg Wrights” to differentiate us from the Gary Wrights, the Ted Wrights, and the Reverend Jeremiah Wrights… and, I was too lazy to type in all nine of our names.

From my ex-boyfriends: You actually found someone to marry you?! Next question, please…

9 comments:

  1. All things considered, we could always do worse. True love is bliss or is it tolerable...I forget?

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  2. I have enjoyed the opportunity to say 'i told you so' to several people in our combined tribes in the time that has passed since then.

    I was made aware of your intentions as a couple long before the wedding took place, and have always had warm and fuzzy feelings about your future with each other.

    I could describe Mr. Wright as being one of the most liberal conservatives I have met, and perhaps you as one of the most conservative liberals I have met.

    That of course means the far right and far left have no choice but to brand all three of us as 'hopeless moderates'.

    Tag,

    Bill

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  3. Can't we all just get along? Oh, wait a second, you guys are living proof that we can!

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  4. I met you (and Mr. Wright) for only about an hour, and "mousey" is definitely not an adjective I would associate with you.

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  5. Rebecca, I think it depends on the day, to tell the truth... :)

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  6. Bill, thanks for your support, even after ALL THESE YEARS. Heehee.

    That's probably why you were one of only two witnesses to our nuptials (the other being the minister's wife).

    Ain't eloping grand?

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  7. Lynn, it - again - depends on the day, but we're trying to set a good example for other misfits in love!

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  8. Hey Gonzo Mama!

    Thanks so much for stopping by my blog.

    I can relate. I'm a Jewish Liberal and married and ex Morman Republican. Go figure! Love the Peta/NRA combo.

    I'll be back! Can't wait to check out your other work.

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  9. "I will say that I have much more respect for omnivores who procure their own meat than those who buy their steaks from the meat counter at their favorite chain grocery.."

    AGREED!!!

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